Time to pretend

And now that's 2 ! Yesterday this blog officially blowed its second candel for 2 months of dark thoughts ! ~Applause~
As you might notice right now, it still isn't over in my head because I'm still writing here... It's not alright, definitely.
But things are coming along pretty nicely, otherwise from my dead relationship, I'll pass the driver licence examination the 22d of August, well another 22d ! And I had to choose between the 21st and the 22d today, I picked the 22d, I don't know why... It hurts to think about that number, but it also feels comfortable, because it has become so familiar to me.
Another instance, my job, I'm really into it like any other year, and this time I granted for spending a whole week-end on a 2-days-and-a-half-party/event with all my collegues. Well, I was drunk twice, and the second time was really an awesome moment, I even smoked one cigarette. You know, it felt nice.

I don't know why it feels so nice to be drunk and to do things that aren't good for my health... It's probably because I'm not cured at all and desperately willing for something that makes me going out of reality. Because life sucks these days, for me at least.

After the great poetry I wrote last time (well, those lines that were'nt that good at all, and that were very dark) you might have thought that I'd get an answer. Something like I don't know, at least a small message talkin' about me speakin' of alcohol at high dosage, smoking, taking pills etc.
And you were wrong ! All I received is a kind "thank you" note by e-mail, which you can see here :

"Bonsoir,
J'ai bien reçu le colis, avec bcp bcp d'affaires, merci
tu n'étais vraiment pas obligé de regraver tous ces dvd, ça a dû te prendre bcp de temps et bcp de dvd !! Mais merci
Je viens de regarder ce que tu m'avais dit de regarder sur Andrea McEwan, c'était la première partie de Katie Melua c'est ça? oui c'était vmt bien et merci de m'avoir transmit son nom.
De mon côté j'ai regrouper tes affaires, bien que je suis sur d'avoir oublié plein de choses, mais tu connais l'était de ma chambre et donc pour voir tout ce qui n'est pas à moi c'est pas facile :s
de plus ça fait un petit temps que je ne vois plus Seb connecté donc je n'ai pas pu convenir d'un moment pour le croiser 2 min pour lui donner, donc je suis un peu coincer, de plus je bosse et donc j'ai pas bcp de temps pour m'organiser par rapport à ça, je m'en escuse!
voilà
bonne soirée"

Well, I'm giving her some credit here, she seems surprised, although she would have known I'll spoil her with a lot of stuff. She again spoke about the DVDs, that's where the money really is ("bcp de dvd"). She felt sorry that she couldn't give my package back, because she's using my best friend and YES he's not really the fast moving guy, espetially about that type of matter.

Here's my answer :

"Je suis assez surpris que tu aies écrit

Je me demande pourquoi tu as utilisé cette adresse alors que je sais que tu en as une autre maintenant (mail groupé de Anne)

Ne te prends pas la tête pour mes affaires... c'est pas pressé du tout. Et si t'oublies des choses ça n'est pas grave, si moi j'ai tenu à t'envoyer tout ça, c'est parce que voir tes affaires me rendait triste, que je ne supportais plus d'avoir ces choses près de mon bureau qui semblaient me fixer. Si dans ton cas ça se passe bien, pas la peine de te prendre la tête pour tout rassembler.

De rien pour les dvd, j'ai regardé tout Men In Trees (les derniers épi que en anglais bien sur), Greek (une nouveauté), Studio 60 (là ou on avait encore que 3 épi, j'ai vu toute la saison et c'est vachement bien) et tout Skins. Je sais pas ce qui me fait envie de mater en ce moment maintenant que j'ai fini ça... je pense attendre bêtement septembre.

Bien sur moi aussi le boulot me prend les 4/5 de la semaine depuis 1 mois et demi, ça m'évite de passer trop à Strasbourg...

Bonne soirée à toi aussi."

I don't know why I spoke about TV Shows, maybe because it was the right time to calm down the atmosphere of our conversations (remember my last post...). She did respond this :

"tu peux regarder In treatment , moi j'ai regardé et c'est pas mal

Même si tu passes à strasbourg je ne pense pas que tu me croiseras prck je bosse bcp et pas au centre et ne me balade pas trop donc te prends pas la tête pr ça
pour l'adresse mail, je ne sais pas, peut etre parce que c'est celle là qui est liée à toi, ou basiquement prck je ne connais pas ton adresse mail par coeur
je ne sais"

Well well... I don't want to talk a lot abut the mail addresses changes, but here's the thing : she used to have one since the very beginning of high school, I guess it was even before that. Then (because she did have A LOT of contacts including guys I didn't really like or felt comfortable with...like her ex- or someone with whom she was flirting before saying yes to me) she created a whole new one after a fight I remember this very clearly, she went offline, I was really nervous about this because I thought she were blocking me, and then she added the new address, and used it as her main one (for messenger contacts, at least). That period of our life together was really perfect, I didn't knew back then of course, everything seemed like rock-solid to me.
But lately, I discovered thanks to someone that were inviting the both of us at a party, that she's using a new one again, like firstname.name@live.fr. Of course, it's because she's starting over her life, and that comes with the whole package. But I'm sure you noted that this time, it's not related to anyone but her, so it's a fresh start yeah but not because of THAT guy in particular. The opposite of the reason why she changed her address the time before...

I answered something that's not worth noticing at all, although it's interesting that I put "+" in the end of it, like we're talking to each other again, which is absolutely untrue, of course.
And again since those mails, memories are coming along my way...

I'd like to thank someone that really helped lately, because that person were here on a few lonely nights, and finally I can say I'm using instant messaging again, because it feels I can have real "convos" again, on a panel of subjects.
To anyone who cares about me, sorry I'm just selfish, I'll just try to grab some happiness and hope for myself... as I've lost pretty much everything that really counts.

Well, I still have a body to damage, see you then...


"Oh girl, shock me like an electric eel. Baby Girl, turn me on with your ELECTRIC FEEL"
(MGMT - Electric Feel)